Pondering

Sometimes I sit at the computer and visit my own blog to watch the baby widget. I click on the days to review how many days and weeks it has been so far and then how much longer the baby needs to grow with me. I sit there and just watch it slowly move around in the bubble, knowing that it looks something like that.

It seems like such a dorky thing to do, to watch a widget, but I think it is also something that a mother might do. Since I'm the baby's mother, I guess it is appropriate. I am used being pregnant and I can imagine having the baby here with me after it is born, but it still seems weird to think of myself as a mother. It is exciting and I know that I will like it because I'm sure that I will like as well as love the baby.

I remember when my sister was pregnant the first time and it seemed so strange to see her belly grow, knowing that her identity would never be quite the same again. She was no longer my big sister and someone who looked after me when I needed her; she was going to have someone who depended on her for everything, needed her more than I did, and was more important to her than me - she was going to be a mother. While she always did take care of me more than may have been her responsibility as a sibling, it was a new dynamic. Now, as the mother of four children, being a mother is such a huge part of who she is and it fits her. So I know that it will seem strange for a while that I am the mother, but once it finally sinks in I'm sure that it will fit just fine.

I think that being pregnant helps me get used to the idea that the baby will be there all the time and I will always need to make sure it is looked after. It is never going to just take care of itself - make itself a sandwich when it's hungry like Josh does - someone, usually me, will have to make sure that everything is taken care of for it. Maybe that is why some people get a pet before having a baby - but I'm not interested in having something that sheds hair worse than I do!